I have begun working on a writing project around joy and no project like this would be complete without starting where joy does not exist. Or at least does not exist in measure. This does not mean that there are not moments of joy, but sustainability becomes difficult if not impossible.

Life is a complicated thing. I often find myself wishing for a much simpler time, like when I was a kid. I am sure my parents would not necessarily say that those times were all that simple. My parents lived through the Great Depression and life was anything but simple then. However, they were simpler times as there was far less to deal with in general. Maybe simpler is the wrong term, those times were more straight forward.

That period also ushered in a time of both great prosperity and growth. It seems that we have to tear everything down to get it to build back up properly. I often wonder if we are nearing, or maybe already in, a time like this.

I want to be a simple man, but I am not. I have many things in my life that create a complexity that defies any ability to greatly simplify anything. There is a compounding effect that life seems to have now. Even though my kids are both grown, married and moving on with their lives, I still feel that I am juggling way more responsibility that I wanted at this point in life.

Granted, I am not at retirement age yet, but it is not a long way off and I really don’t see a good path to it unless something changes. To be honest I feel further away from it, practically, than ever before. That and life continues to conspire to make it ever more difficult.

As such, the Joy Thief shows up and robs me of much beyond momentary joy. He throws my mind into overdrive trying to solve problems I don’t yet even have. I guess there is a benefit to this in that I am in the process of solving potential future problems. However, it is exhausting and emotionally draining.

This is why I say the Joy Thief shows up.

He is an insidious demon who takes great pleasure in making everything so complicated that you can take no joy in anything.

An example; this has been a difficult summer from an insurance standpoint. A strong summer hail storm put a beating on both our house and my truck. I am still battling the byproduct of having Shingles last year with an ongoing eye problem. My wife has had some noncritical but no less nagging medical issues as well. So needless to say we have been shoveling money out the door on a regular basis. I went to my umpteenth specialist visit the other week and had to get some new medicine. When I got the bill I about fell out with a heart attack (maybe that would have been better). I stammered at the check out nurse and she said “You haven’t met your deductible and there is nothing left in your HSA.”

I know it is not her fault but look, I don’t know how to say this nicely I am getting really tired of the financial rectal exam insurance has become. Everything is, essentially, out of pocket now AND we get the privilege of paying exorbitant monthly premiums. What needs an enema the most is healthcare itself.

Ok, rant over. My point is that this too becomes a joy thief. I am seeing that there are far more things (complications) robbing us of our joy these days. The only way I know of fighting back is to write about it.

So the journey I have begun this summer is to find ways to defeat the Joy Thief and write about it. The funny thing is that as soon as I decided to do this we got hit with three other things (just this week) further stealing joy from our lives, making them even more complicated. Maybe I subconsciously called him out and now I am in for a fight.

I would like to say that that is ok, I am up for it. But I am not sure I am. The last year plus has been emotionally and mentally draining. I am realizing that if I do not substantially rethink how I am going about life I am in jeopardy of simple insanity (** by definition, doing the same things over and over and expecting a different result **)

The Joy Thief is winning and I am feeling a bit outgunned at the moment.

Hopefully, writing my way through this will help me gain a new perspective and give me the insight and energy to beat him into submission. Wrestle, as it were, my joy back from this insidious demon.