I say quite often “Pain is inevitable, Suffering is optional.”

In the past three months I have been dealing with first having Shingles and then the aftermath of having Shingles. If you are unclear on what Shingles are, it is the Chicken Pox virus you had as a child that can manifest later in life as Singles. The real stigma is that it is a form of the Herpes virus! Mine started in my left eye and worked its way over the left side of my head. Now it has decided to take up residence in my left eye.

I went last week for a second opinion on the pain, blurry vision and constant bloodshot nature of my left eye to be told, “if we don’t treat that aggressively you are going to lose that eye!”

Now that prompted a question, “Doc, do you mean it is going to start to ooze out of my head or are you talking just my vision.” She did not find that nearly as humorous as I did, even in the situation.

I am pretty frustrated about this, as I had been going to another ophthalmologist for two months and his last suggestion was to “use the steroid drops for a few more weeks and see me in a year..”

Now, I tell you this to bring myself full circle to my first quotable, quote.

I have been suffering and if eyes are the windows to the soul, the left side of my soul is puffy, hazy and down right angry.

What I can say for sure is that this has been negatively impacting my attitude and outlook.

Today, I bit the bullet and threw a leg over my motorcycle. I have not, effectively, been on it for months. The brief ride to get coffee before going on to a longer ride in a bit to meet up with buddies for a lunch ride highlighted something;

I am losing my joy in life.

That is a HUGE statement and one that seemingly is being guided by something so small. Now, you may say, “Your vision is no small thing!”, and that is true. But the impact I am allowing this to have upon my life is no small thing either.

That brief ride (yes, my eye is protected by shades and a full shield helmet) brought me joy. It was a breath of fresh air, so to speak. It reminded me that we cannot stop living life while we deal with the pain that is inevitable in life.

Yes, I get it, many people are suffering for debilitating health and other issues that may “seem” to preclude this. I am not saying that everyone should go out and jump on a bike to regain joy…unless you have one, then you should!

My point is that to live up to my quote one must find the joy in life within the pain. Not allow it to become suffering that then, not can but will, become pervasive in our lives.

You have to find Jack Palace’s “One Thing” (watch City Slickers and you will get this) that brings you joy where ever you are and grab hold of it. No don’t just grab hold, get a death grip on it and dare it to try to get away from you.

This situation has been slowly draining the life out of me. I have struggled with focus (pun intended) and motivational issues. I have pulled even further away from my friends, a very bad habit I have when I am dealing with personal issues. I have allowed it to stop me doing the things I love and that recharge my batteries.

No, I have not wallowed in pity. It is not so much that as I have just let it to create an underlying … malaise, that I now realize has been leaching joy from my soul.

Pain is inevitable, Suffering is optional.

As I get older I am learning that pain is just a byproduct of life as we age. I have it better than many my age. I am in relatively good shape and work to maintain myself. That too takes a tole as I cannot work out like I did twenty years ago. But I adjust and I try to stay in motion. Once motion stops we break down quite quickly.

This is similarly true with our mental state. When we allow something like I am dealing with to begin to steal time and keep us focused on our issue, it begins to cause a mental stagnation. Our mental pool stops flowing and a film gathers on the top, obscuring the light of life and the deeper you go in that pool the darker it becomes from the stagnation on top.

I am working today to break up the scum on the top of my mental pool. I am taking a chance and riding my bike with a visual limitation and poor depth perception. However, I am finding that this is making my other senses very keen. Which brings me to another epiphany;

When we are dealing with pain in one area of our lives, we are typically blessed with keen senses in other areas of our lives. The real question is whether we focus our attention on these other heightened “senses” or we allow our suffering to dull every part of our lives.

I have to admit over the last few week I have been dulled (many would say I am always dull, but that is another topic all together).

By letting this happen I have become less. I have not only been a lesser person, allowing my pain to drive me to suffering, and it has permeated my being.

I realized this yesterday when having lunch at a typical work lunch hang out one of the wait staff, who I don’t interact that much with, asked what was wrong. This is a lady who’s interaction is typically limited to her bringing me the sandwich I ordered.

If it is that noticeable then I have allowed this to go terribly wrong.

In looking back over the last few weeks I see how this has permeated all facets of my life. I have been distracted, surly, easily angered, disconnected and generally unpleasant. I have been continually looking for distraction, anything that would allow me to forget that I have this issue.

Pain is inevitable, Suffering is optional.

The Suffering stops today.