The last five months have been, at various times; a difficult journey, a wondrous experience, a frustrating escapade, a flight of fancy, humbling, angering, confounding…..and many more.
It has been a time of tears and fears of joys and laughter, and as the time draws to the next chapter of life – it has been … liberating.
This all began the first of March. March and April were months of searching. Of me finding myself, my family, my friends and my ambitions once again. I spent a lot of time in prayer over those two months. I spent a lot of time reading and talking to people I had not talked to in a long time. Close friends came closer and I ask a lot of questions. Of myself. Of God. Of life.
I was not necessarily in a bad place personally when it began, but I was fast approaching it. Because of this I knew I needed to do something different, but I was in a holding pattern that God had to get me out of.
May, of course was the real kicker. Our son got married on the 1st then shipped out for Navy boot camp on the 21st. We lost access to our daughter for five weeks on a trip she took and I was staring down the barrel of unemployment.
Life, quite literally, had been tossed up in the air.
During the ensuing three months I learned a lot of things.
First, I learned something I have never been able (or willing) to learn; Patience.
I had to take a back seat and let God do the driving. Leaning on His strength, and that of my family, while I went through this period. Accepting His grace was sufficient to see me through.
Next, I needed to let Him “burn the dross” from my life;
“…I will thoroughly purge away your dross and remove your impurities.”
Isaiah 1:25 (NIV)
Lastly, I had to learn to totally trust that God’s plan for my life was in motion and this was all a part of it.
I see now that each of these had to be done for me to be where I am today. Five months is not that long of a process, yet it felt much longer, as these things do. I know many more who have had to live through much longer periods. This is not to say they had more to learn, but that they probably had more of the items I needed to learn (especially patience) than God knew I would have. They had more strength and more patience than I.
I learned reliance and to finally truly lean on the cross and God’s provision.
I had a mantra that I chanted to myself throughout this process;
Know His Word – Commit to His will – Trust in His ways – Pray for His wisdom – Give thanks for his provision.
Those things would continually be brought to mind as I worked through this process.
For any of my readers who are not Christian or religious by nature or feel like Christianity is just a crutch, let me say this.
Christ is not a crutch. A crutch just holds you up. Christ picks you up and carries you, at times, when you simply can’t go on. I am, by no stretch of the imagination, a guy who needs much propping up. I am old school guy who has taught my kids, as I have said here before, life is not about how many times you get knocked down, it’s about how many times you get back up.
But really letting go and, while doing my part, being open to what God had in store … well, it has changed my perspective. As I said, there were times of anger and frustration. Of not wanting to wait on God’s timing. But now, looking back, I see the journey for what it was and what He was bringing me through.
I hope I am a better man for it.
I know I am a more faithful man for it.
