My father had one mantra that he spoke to me quite often; “Son, what ever you do, don’t go into medicine.”

He had lived his life in hospitals working as a lab technician and at times EMT. I learned a lot about medical profession watching and listening to him. Although it sustained our family well, I saw the stress he lived under.

I too have had a mantra for my children; “Kids, what ever you do, don’t go into IT.”

Like my father, my career has sustained my family well. But the stress and long hours have taken its toll on me as well.

I now understand that, aside from a special few, we probably all get to this point if we are in our careers long enough. We find ourselves at a point where we love to hate them.

I have a number of long term friends who are going through rough patches in their careers right now.. Both would rather do anything that continue on in their chosen career, but it pays too well and like many of us, they feel trapped into doing nothing else. We call this “Golden Handcuffs”, and it pertains to more than those in the C-suite.

Now, these friends (like myself) are unique to our generation (we are all the same age) and have stuck with our careers for our entire lives. People do not do this any longer and are more apt to shift careers multiple times in their lives.

However, another friend who is markedly younger has also found themselves in a similar place. Desiring to do just about anything else, bored with their job but addicted to the money. Maybe addicted is the wrong word, but it is an apt analogy. This friend does not have the trappings of a life tied to a place or a family, yet they too look upon the gravy train and must consider how long to ride it.

To this friend I struggle to give advice because my head says, “ride the gravy train and fill the bowl as full as you can so you can get off the ride before you are too old to enjoy it.” While my heart tells me to advise, “You have none of the trappings that keep most of us in one place doing one thing, go, live life now before it is too late and you are too stressed and worn out do do so later.”

Knowing what I know now (famous words) I would do the last 20 years far differently. I would deny myself more and minimize my life so that when I got to where I am now my options would be greater.

And by greater, I mean that I would have the reserves to do whatever I wanted.

To my other friends who are struggling I say, “take this time to reinvent.” This is hard, but we are also to the point where, from a children standpoint, we truly can. Yes it would be difficult and it would be financially painful. But there is a choice here; Live the last portion of our lives in some sibilance of joy or just make it a continuation of the stress we have been living.

Life is hard now, especially as I get older and consider how much harder I have to work at a time when I had hoped to taper off a bit. This is no longer possible, maybe it never was. Maybe this is a lie we tell ourselves to make the stress bearable. I just don’t see it any more.

My dad was forced to retire early from stress induced heart problems. Ultimately this, and smoking, killed him.

I do know that when I keep in mind that no matter how much I give, more will be asked, and keep this in perspective life is easier. It’s okay to give 120 percent, but this is not sustainable, no matter how much you view yourself as a machine. And I have over the years, and out worked many around me. But when I look back, no one really cared about that but me. My perspective was self-centered and wholly based on a now dead work ethic; work hard and people will notice. Yes, hard work has a value, but it is no longer what my generation was brought up to believe it was.

The one thing that I do know is that one must have something beyond them that they can focus on outside of the work-a-day life. Something greater. Many find this in volunteering, or in teaching or other endeavors that allow them to give back. I can say, without a doubt, that my writing and my ministry have sustained me, while not financially, mentally and spiritually.

These things have kept me whole. They have allowed me an outlet for the stress. They have sustained me when I was at my wits end, giving me an outlet that has nothing to do with my occupation.

Finding that thing that sustains you, that gives significance to your life that work cannot in my humble opinion must be a life goal.

I have many things still on my bucket list. But the one thing that has been checked off is finding something beyond myself.